I live with my parents. But I have the whole floor to myself. It’s right under my parents’ floor, OK, it’s slightly underground, OK, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, it’s a basement. GEEEZZZ, can a guy have secrets and dignity?
Mom is my immediate supervisor. Dad is the Supreme court. I have realized the benefits of resolving disputes at lower court. It’s lot less painful. I am subject to an annual inspection. Last inspection resulted in revoking of my phone privileges. Didn’t hurt much, since no one really calls me. No, let me rephrase that – I don’t entertain calls. It was used for crank calls anyway.
I am required to keep my ‘room’ clean. Parents!!!!!!!!!!! I am not allowed to have company after 8:00 pm. I have managed to ‘entertain’ a herd of goats without detection. I just have to spend half of my allowance on room fresheners. These goats now are permanent residents of the ‘place where I live’, OK basement. If mom finds out, it’s not going to be pretty, forget what would happen if dad gets involved.
I also have some other human like figures at my …. basement. They have a very special and urgent reason to be here. They generally come alive when they are, well, pumped with air. OK, I HAVE INFLATABLES. THERE, I SAID IT.
Well, like everyone else I have my needs, and like everyone else I have found the best way to satisfy them. BTW, goats prefer vodka to an air pump. Go figure!!!
I have one pair of clothes that need one full day to recover from what’s around me. You see, I am not a big believer in wearing clothes. That’s one of the reasons I am known on first name basis at the local hospital.
Mom has recently made a concerted effort to hook me up with the retarded daughter of our next door neighbor. She feels we are both of the same age mentally, and that it’s her last shot of becoming a grand mother. I am going along so far under protest. I have not had a date with a human yet. So I was able to postpone the last date set by mom, feigning illness. But it seems inevitable. Watch this space for details on that.
Don’t think you freaks are any better than me. I know all about you. Running around pretending to be so busy for nothing.
I also have a band of ‘boys’ to rescue people I like. They are employed to take down people I don’t like. Are you feeling it?
Maybe I’ll update you with events as they unfold or maybe not. I know nosey lazy freaks like you get an inch they want a mile. Not happening here.
My real crush: Juliane Moore.
